Sexy Time Cliches

So the other day I'm scrolling through Facebook when I came across a picture on one of  my friend's pages. The pic was Erotic Romance Bingo, where you play by - you guessed it - covering a square every time you come across a cliched phrase in an erotic romance.

When I first saw this, I cringed. I've used some of those phrases! That must mean that my writing is cliched crap! I got all red in the face, positive no one would buy my book. Then I calmed down and did the math (yes I'm that obsessive). I used 8 of those phrases. That's only 33%! Since I'm only on my second book and still learning, I'll consider myself in the clear.

Of course I want to grow as a writer and come up with inventive new descriptions, but hell, there's no need to reinvent the smut wheel. Sometimes "scissoring fingers"* might just be the best way to get the point across. Besides, as I've aged (like fine wine, yo) I've discovered that purple prose & flowery euphemisms annoy the hell out of me. That's why I choose to write erotic romance, where we tell it like it is.

I realize that Erotic Romance Bingo was all in good fun. I just thought it would be even more fun for me to share my characteristically overly dramatic reaction to it. However! There is one cliched phrase I will no longer be using. Liquid heat. Why? Well...

It'll be too hard for me to describe lady parts as liquid heat now that I know it's something that can be used to unclog a backed up sink. No woman wants a va-jay-jay that powerful. At least, I don't think they do. I swear, I didn't know whether to use it to fix my sink or put it in a pair of underwear and set it loose on unsuspecting men. The lines are so blurry.


*Wanna know the other squares from this bingo I used? Well you'll have to buy The Sergeant, available April 26 to find out. See what I did there? ;-)